im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
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All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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