Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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