why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
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Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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