We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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