You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize