You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
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how do flat chested girls get laid?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
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My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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