Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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