she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
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I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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