Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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