$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize