I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize