Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize