he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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