omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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