Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
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Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
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I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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