I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just puked most of my soul out..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize