booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize