I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize