i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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