Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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