It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize