she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
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While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
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Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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