I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize