i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize