the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize