I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
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he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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