i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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