At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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