I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
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I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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