More tranny stories later!
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
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She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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