My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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