Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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