"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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