my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
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giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
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Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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