So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize