Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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