I wish my penis had an off switch
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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