He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize