guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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