Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize