I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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