im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
the raccoons are back...
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