I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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