I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
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Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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