I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
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I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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