Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize