Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize