my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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