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Who wears a wallet chain?!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Randomize
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