Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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