i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
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I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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